{"id":1630,"date":"2026-02-03T15:21:45","date_gmt":"2026-02-03T15:21:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jesusworldview.org\/resource-library\/?p=1630"},"modified":"2026-02-03T15:21:45","modified_gmt":"2026-02-03T15:21:45","slug":"when-disagreement-threatens-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jesusworldview.org\/resource-library\/when-disagreement-threatens-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"When disagreement threatens relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Glen Money<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was men\u2019s store in Athens, Ga., in the fall of 1989. After sizing me up, the veteran salesman leaned in and asked,\u201c What do you do for a living?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most likely it was an attempt to discern what priced suit he would try to put me in.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a minister, new chaplain at Athens Regional,\u201d I said. Pretty sure I went from custom made Hickey Freeman to unaltered off the rack house brand on the spot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat kind of preacher are you?\u201d I wanted to say, \u201cA good one, I hope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I just said the simpler truth, \u201cBaptist.\u201d \u201cWhat kind?\u201d Back then I could honestly answer \u201cSouthern.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMe too,\u201d he replied as he moved two steps closer. \u201cWhich church do you go to?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I told him \u201cFirst Baptist\u201d he paused and took those same two steps back. It went from \u201cThou art my brother\u201d to \u201cOh Brother, Where Art Thou\u201d in a second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then he began to ask me if I believed what he believed on any number of debatable issues. If it was a test \u2013 and it was \u2013 I failed it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then he broke it outa Bible verse I had never pondered before, Amos 3:3. \u201cCan two walk together unless they be agreed?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I suggested perhaps they could. He strongly reckoned not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I soon realized we were, among many other things, in disagreement on whether or not I needed to buy a suit from him. In part because I was put off by the guy, but also because I was fresh out of seminary and couldn\u2019t afford anything in there anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a year in Athens, which ended with the birth of our second son, we moved to Albany, Ga. ,down in the other corner of the state. After eight years there we moved to Monroe, a then small town 20 minutes from Athens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the new First Church pastor in town, I needed a more respectable marrying and burying suit. So, I go to the same store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was greeted by the same old salesman who was probably wearing the same old suit. He asked me the same old questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gave him the updated answers and within minutes he gave me the same old line, chapter and verse: \u201cCan two walk together unless they be agreed?\u201d Fortunately, Athens had more than one men\u2019s store that could sell me a suit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diving more deeply into that dynamic today, it is worth considering what it looks like, what it means, and how we can best respond to the reality of what happens when people disagree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How relationships and ways of belonging break down over a difference of opinion, some conviction, preference, perspective, group identity. And hold at some hope, however faint and foolhardy, that people of honest disagreement can find a way of walking together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please know that while this worldly problem is way too much with us, it is not an entirely new development. The Bible is chock full of tales of conflict born of difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the first family we have disagreement between two brothers \u2013 Cain and Able \u2013 that when left to fester led to the abdication of responsibility to another, and in time to the first murder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Miriam and Aaron \u2013 Moses\u2019 siblings \u2014 disagreed with him over his choice of a wife, specifically her ethnicity. Pretty sure that wasn\u2019t the last time something like that has happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob and Esau disagreed over what they were entitled to in the family inheritance. Acts tells us Paul and Barnabas \u201cHad such a sharp disagreement that they parted company\u201d<\/em>\u00a0over who to include and exclude on their ministry team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Euodia and Syntyche were told by Paul to \u201csettle their disagreement<\/em>\u201d \u2013 but didn\u2019t tell us what the fuss was for or anything else about these two argumentative women \u2013 they made it into the Bible for that and that alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also in Acts, we have groups within the church with strong differences over who was getting special treatment. These same folks differed on whether partaking of certain things was or wasn\u2019t allowable, and did not partaking make folks morally superior to those who did. I never heard of such, have you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peter and Paul famously disagreed over whether or not new people in church had to follow the rituals of those who had been there longer. Again \u2013 I have had no experience with that kind of contention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disagreements have always had the potential to derail relationships, sometimes before they start. That happens more and more quickly today simply by the way we self-identify. (Oh, you\u2019re one of them.) Annoying, but almost inevitable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what do we make of strained and broken relationships that before the fracture had run deep, wide and long? In our cancel culture, all it takes is one wrong answer, one characterization or mischaracterization, one misunderstanding, one differing perspective or sports allegiance, one vote, one remote click difference in default news setting to upend, suspend or just plain end a relationship. A way of being together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s unfortunate and it\u2019s almost always unnecessary. Often unhealthy. Sometimes uncivil. But sadly, it\u2019s not unheard of. Not even uncommon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It has become epidemic, cutting across virtually every relational context. Friendships. Workplaces. Social groups. Neighborhoods. Churches. Churches within churches. And, saddest of all, families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have practiced Christian faith for very long you can recite the biblical admonitions that, if followed, would cut this kind of thing off at the pass. Soften the spirit before it has a chance to get hardened. Hold folks together long enough to appropriately respond to difference, not impulsively recoil and react.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the Psalms \u201cHow good and pleasant it is when God\u2019s people live together in unity\u201d. <\/em>Psalm 133:1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Proverbs15:18 \u2013 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From James 1:19 let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Paul \u2013 lots to pick from \u2013 let\u2019s go with Ephesians 4: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 <\/sup><\/strong>Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or \u2013 Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God forgives you <\/em>\u2013 Ephesians 4:33 \u2013 Preceded by Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Jesus Matthew 5:9 \u2013 Blessed are the peacemakers \u2013 <\/em>You can\u2019t make peace without being in relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s go back to Paul\u2013 Romans 4:19 –<\/em>If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all<\/em>. Let\u2019s break it down \u2013 not hip-hop dance style \u2013 but phrase by phrase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If possible<\/em> \u2013 it not always is possible. But it usually is. If it doesn\u2019t seem possible \u2013 catch the next phrase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So far as it depends on you<\/em>– Resolve to never be the reason differences don\u2019t get resolved or a relationship gets threatened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Live peaceably <\/em>\u2013 Both a description of the spirit and the state of the relationship<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Live\u2026with \u2013 <\/em>You cannot repair a relationship you are not in. If folks draw lines too soon (sign of impetuousness) or duck out too quickly (sign of immaturity and inability to remain in the tension disagreement brings) or declare you are done and the severance won\u2019t get undone, (a sign of stubbornness and short sightedness) it cuts the legs out of reconciliation, mutual understanding and meaningful belonging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our \u201chang in there\u201d muscles have atrophied to the point of offering little resistance. No grit. No grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All \u2013 <\/em>you don\u2019t get to pick and choose who you extend this grace to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What tips the scale? What weighs more, being right or being well? Which is worth more? How long before we loosen the grip, let go, ghost, distance, build a wall, cut the ties, run to replacement relationships? Pick your metaphor. Pick your poison.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A pastor\u2019s confessions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n